A simple structure and shared agenda

One on ones benefit from a light structure. Too rigid, and they feel like a form to fill in. Too loose, and they become small talk or status updates. A shared agenda document and a simple flow strike the balance.

The shared document

Create one document per person, shared only between the two of you. Each session gets a dated section with:

• Their topics: added during the week as things come up.
• Your topics: feedback, context to share, questions.
• Notes: brief points from the conversation.
• Actions: who will do what by when.

Both of you can add items any time. This means people do not have to remember everything on the spot, and both sides can prepare. It also creates a history you can look back on during reviews and career conversations.

A flexible flow

A 30 minute session might go like this:

1. Check in (about 5 minutes): how are they doing, really? Listen to the answer.
2. Their topics (10 to 15 minutes): start with whatever they brought.
3. Your topics (5 to 10 minutes): feedback, updates they need, questions.
4. Actions (2 minutes): agree what happens next and write it down.

If their topics need the whole time, let them. Your items can wait until next week unless urgent.

When there is no agenda

Sometimes the person arrives with nothing. Do not end the meeting immediately. Use a few open questions to find something worth discussing, such as "What has been the most frustrating part of your week?" or "Is there anything you are unsure about on the current project?". The next lesson has many more.

Rotating themes

Some managers dedicate one session a month to a theme, such as career goals, feedback for the manager or team health. This ensures important topics do not get crowded out by urgent ones week after week.

Location and format

In person, a walk or a quiet room works better than a desk in an open office. Remotely, turn off notifications, look at the person rather than another screen and keep video on if they are comfortable with it. Small signals of full attention matter.

Protect privacy

What is said in a one on one stays there unless the person agrees otherwise, with clear exceptions for safety, harassment or legal issues, which you must escalate. Explain this early so people know what to expect. Trust takes months to build and one careless comment to lose.

Set up a shared document for each person you meet with, and add one topic you want to raise next time.