What a one on one is for

A one on one is a regular, private conversation between a manager or lead and someone on their team. Done well, it is where trust is built, problems are caught early and people get support to grow. Done poorly, it is a status meeting that could have been a message.

The purpose

A good one on one serves the person, not the manager. Its main jobs are:

• Connection: knowing each other as people, which makes everything else easier.
• Early warning: hearing about frustrations, risks and conflicts before they become crises.
• Coaching: helping the person think through problems rather than solving them for them.
• Feedback in both directions: sharing observations and hearing how you can support them better.
• Growth: talking about skills, interests and longer term goals.

What it is not

• Not a status update. Project status belongs in stand ups, tickets or written updates. If one on ones are mostly "what are you working on", the time is being wasted.
• Not only for problems. If you meet only when something is wrong, people will dread the invitation.
• Not a performance review. Reviews summarise; one on ones are where the ongoing conversation happens.

How often and how long

Weekly 30 minute sessions are a common default for direct reports, especially new ones. Fortnightly can work for experienced people who prefer it, as long as the meeting rarely gets cancelled. Ask each person what works for them and revisit it occasionally.

Consistency matters more than brilliance

The single most important habit is not cancelling. Moving a one on one occasionally is fine. Cancelling it repeatedly tells someone they are low on your list. If you must move it, reschedule rather than skip.

Whose meeting is it

Make it clear that the agenda belongs mainly to the other person. You can add items, but they come first. This simple rule changes the tone of the meeting: it becomes their time for what matters to them.

A quick self check

Think about your current one on ones, either as a manager or as the person being managed:

1. When did a one on one last surface a problem early?
2. When did it last include real feedback in either direction?
3. How often is it cancelled?
4. Who sets the agenda?

If the answers are uncomfortable, you are in the right course. The next lesson introduces a simple structure that fixes most common problems.